Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Embracing my coulrophobia

No one starts out in life deciding to be coulrophobic. And I certainly wasn't brought up in a home that was particularly coulrophobic.

And yet, I stand before you today embracing my own coulrophobia.

Coulrophobia, for those who can't read a blog and search Wikipedia at the same time, is the irrational fear of clowns.

Though, in my case, I'm not so certain it is necessarily an irrational fear. It all began when I was three years old and my parents took me to the State Fair. After waiting in line for what seemed like hours, my father made me sit on this guy's lap for a photo:

Milky the Clown was the spokesclown for Detroit-based Twin Pines Dairy. Even if the world had never seen the likes of John Wayne Gacy or Pennywise (from Stephen King's It), Milky would still be one scary clown.

I honestly don't know much about the man behind the greasepaint. Clare Cummings was more than just a dairy icon. He apprently used to host a TV show back in the '50s (way before my time) called "Milky's Movie Party."

That's the extent of my Milky knowledge. The additional mystery only adds to my clown-based paranoia.

To make matters worse, Twin Pines slogan:

Yes, there is magic in Twin Pines. And, to my impressionable mind, no doubt the ground-up bones of children who sat on that friggin' clown's lap.

So, thanks to my parents for ruining trips to the circus and Detroit-based dairy products for life.

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